Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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