Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
