How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
