i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
