:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
