Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
