I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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