it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize