4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Your face is a jimmy john
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
