Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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