allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
