wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
