Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just threw up on my dentist
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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