Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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