My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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