She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The maid of honor just puked.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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