so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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