She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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