my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
