that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
