So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
