Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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