i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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