She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
