Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
