I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
