At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
