I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
