Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
