Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
