Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
