She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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