Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
