The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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