Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize