More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
