Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
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Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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