He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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