i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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