So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
