Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
