can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
