A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
