The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
