Your tits are I can't wait for
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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