i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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