Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
