it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
