So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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