hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
