Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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