What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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