So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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