my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
