my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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