Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
