I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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