Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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