woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
