You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that's an acceptable place to lick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize