So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How external is "for external use only"?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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