I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
