So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
