I puked a lego.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
