There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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