New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
