Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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