So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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